Real Talk: Redeemed Rambles

  Integration and Surrender Rooted in the Name: El Shaddai--The All-Sufficient One For a long time, I thought trusting God meant trusting my mind. Trusting my clarity. My discernment. My ability to interpret what I feel correctly. But personally with Bipolar I complicates that assumption. There are days when thoughts move too fast to follow. Days when everything slows into a fog. Days when certainty feels fragile. And trust becomes complicated. How do I trust God when I don't always trust my own mind? There is a name that steadies this tension: __________________________________________________________________________________ El Shaddai--The All-Sufficient One "When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the Lord appeared to him and said "I am El-Shaddai--'God Almighty'. Serve me faithfully and live a blameless life." Genesis 17:1 NLT El Shaddai means God Almighty--the One is more than enough. Sufficiency means God is enough--even when your mind is not. Enough when...

  I didn’t expect week 4 to feel like this. After everything that surfaced in week 2… And everything that unraveled in week 3… I thought this week might feel heavier. But instead– Something shifted. Not everything is fixed. Not everything feels easy. But for the first time… I feel hope. ____________________________________________________________________________ Faith That Can Restore Me Week 4 started with a question that I didn’t realize I needed to answer: Do I actually believe God can restore me? Not just in theory? Not just for others? But for me. Because if I’m being honest… There have been parts of my story that have felt too broken, too far too gone, too deeply rooted. But this week, something changed. I wrote this in my journal: “I have hope. I have faith God will restore me–I see Him already revealing things. I have faith. I’m opening up and asking for help when I NEVER do. I have my mentor, Eyleen, coming over to talk more about my journey and everything…so yeah I am v...

When You Realize You’re Stuck This week of Regen forced me to confront something I didn’t fully see before: I was in a rut. Not just a temporary struggle. Not just a hard week. A pattern. A cycle. A place where I kept returning–emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Honestly, I didn’t realize how deep it went. ____________________________________________________________________________ The Rut I Didn’t Want to Name One of the first things that I came up this week was this: Withholding my feelings. Not asking for help. And the deeper I sat with that the more I realized that I had been struggling longer than I admitted. Each week of this process is getting harder (in a bittersweet way), but I know that is the point. I can feel it… Eventually I am going to hit a place where I can’t hold it together anymore…where I have to fully surrender. Now being real, I thought I thought I had healed, but now I am realizing… I healed enough to function But not enough to surrender. ________________...