Re:gen Diaries: Week 4–When Hope Started Feeling Real Again

 I didn’t expect week 4 to feel like this.

After everything that surfaced in week 2…

And everything that unraveled in week 3…

I thought this week might feel heavier.

But instead–

Something shifted.

Not everything is fixed.

Not everything feels easy.

But for the first time…

I feel hope.

____________________________________________________________________________

Faith That Can Restore Me

Week 4 started with a question that I didn’t realize I needed to answer:

Do I actually believe God can restore me?

Not just in theory?

Not just for others?

But for me.

Because if I’m being honest…

There have been parts of my story that have felt too broken, too far too gone, too deeply rooted.

But this week, something changed.

I wrote this in my journal:

“I have hope. I have faith God will restore me–I see Him already revealing things. I have faith. I’m opening up and asking for help when I NEVER do. I have my mentor, Eyleen, coming over to talk more about my journey and everything…so yeah I am very hopeful.”

That right there? That’s new.

Not because everything is fixed…

But because I am starting to believe God is already moving.

____________________________________________________________________________

Scripture That Anchored Me

“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.”

–Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)

Faith is choosing to believe

Before the evidence fully shows up.

____________________________________________________________________________

Letting People In (Even When It’s Hard)

This week, I did something that doesn’t come naturally to me:

I let someone in.

I asked for help.

I opened up.

And that might sound simple…but for me its not.

Because independence can feel like strength—

But sometimes its actually protection.

And healing?

That requires vulnerability.

It requires me saying:

“I can’t do this alone.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Worry, Fear…and Running to the Father

Week 4, Day 2 shifted on how I see fear.

I used to think fear was something to avoid.

But this week, I realized something different. Here is what I wrote:

“Today Eyleen and I talked about fear and that it is also okay to have a healthy fear. I personally feel that when we fear–if we have the right people around us–it gives us a chance to run to the Father with our fears.”

That perspective changes a lot.

Because instead of running from fear…

I can run through it–straight to God.

____________________________________________________________________________

God Meets Me in the Fear

I kept on writing…

“Through His grace, truth, and meditation we can see what He wants vs what we see and control. It gives us an opportunity to see and lean on God even more.”

This part…

“He is our fortress, our strength, our peace and our still waters–only if we allow Him to.”

That hit me…God has never been distant.

He hasn’t been waiting for me to get it together.

But sometimes…

I just don’t let Him in.

____________________________________________________________________________

Scriptures That Held Me This Week

“Be still, and know I am God.” –Psalm 46:10

“When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.”

 –Psalm 94:19 (NLT)

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.” –Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

“Don’t be worried about anything; instead, pray about everything…then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.”

–Phillipians 4:6-7 (NLT)

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (NLT)

____________________________________________________________________________

Prayer: The Area I Didn’t Realize I Was Struggling In

Day 3 was another brutally honest day.

Here is the truth bomb I wrote:

“I have a hard time in this category (prayer)...I used to journal my thoughts and prayers, what I learned in the Bible–now I can’t. I struggle so hard in this dept.”

I think it matters to say out loud.

Sometimes we assumes:

• If we love God, prayer should be easy

• If we are growing, we should feel consistent

Honestly, that hasn’t been my reality lately…

And still…

Even in that struggle, there was something deeper underneath.

“I don’t want to be lukewarm–I want to go to God about everything and go to His word–I don’t know what’s holding me back.”

That desire?

That is where it starts.

Not perfection.

Not consistency.

Just:

A heart that wants Him.

____________________________________________________________________________

What I’m Learning Right Now

Week 4 didn’t erase the hard things.

But it did change how I see them.

I’m learning thatL

• Faith can exist before the outcome

• Fear can lead me to God instead away from Him

• Prayer doesn’t have to be perfect to be real

• Gratitude can exist in the middle of healing

• And God is already working–even when I’m still processing.

____________________________________________________________________________

Closing

I am not fully healed…that is a lifelong journey.

But I am not where I was.

For the first time…

I am not just aware of what’s broken–

I’m starting to believe in what can be restored.

Maybe that’s what faith actually looks like.